Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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