yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
