Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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