redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
