i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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