I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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