my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
