Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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