i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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