i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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