just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
