Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
