Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
