Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
