do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
