You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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