rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
