Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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