So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
