For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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