I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
