I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
