I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
where are my eyebrows?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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