By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize