Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
