I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How does one acquire holy water?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
