I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
