btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
