Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
