He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
