Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
