I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
