Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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