Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
