i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
