i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
