She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
