He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize