I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
