I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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