You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
