I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
