Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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