Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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