Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
