can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's even glitter on my cock...
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