my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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