Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
