I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
