Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
