Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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