i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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