so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
