I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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