Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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