I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
