Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
