just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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