So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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