i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
