apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
