she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
