Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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