maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
