Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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