Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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