How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's never too late to be topless.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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