I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
