The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
