Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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