He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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