I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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