the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
